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hey Bruce!
thanks for the info! i had a feeling that there was a difference between them.
i have another scene description that i would like your opinion on, if you don't mind. the description is of The Fortress of Gul Darrow, which is the necromancer fortress, the only home they have since they were exiled from the Welterr Empire. (the brotherhood members are going into the fortress to rescue a captured brotherhood member!)
The massive high towered fortress of the necromancers loomed up before the brotherhood rescue party, once in a while illuminated by lightning bolts from the surrounding storm. The towers looked like they were made of metal, stone, and wooden support beams, with a large cast iron gate blocking the front entrance embedded into the surrounding wall. Evil looking gargoyles decorated the wall and peered down maliciously at the advancing brotherhood members. A neglected run down drawbridge lead down to the entrance portcullis, which looked like it had been double locked and tightly secured. Goblins and orcs patrolled the surrounding wall, pacing back and forth with weapons drawn. Once in a while the guards would stop and look over the surrounding wall to make sure no one was attempting to break in. A further observation from the keen eyes of the brotherhoods chief spy indicated that each guard was armed with a sword, a spear, or a crossbow. Whenever a guard stopped to look over the wall they would point the weapon over the wall and sweep the area so that no intruders would pass, then they would continue with their patrol. Ghostly moans sounded from inside the massive tower, evidently from the spirits of people who were long dead. Just the sight of this eerie place sent chills down the spine of every adventurer in the advancing rescue party. It became evident that this mission was not going to be as simple as the brotherhood members had hoped.
is this good, or is there more to be added?
thanks a bunch! Byron Lee
P.s. give my best to your wife and your children!
thanks for the info! i had a feeling that there was a difference between them.
i have another scene description that i would like your opinion on, if you don't mind. the description is of The Fortress of Gul Darrow, which is the necromancer fortress, the only home they have since they were exiled from the Welterr Empire. (the brotherhood members are going into the fortress to rescue a captured brotherhood member!)
The massive high towered fortress of the necromancers loomed up before the brotherhood rescue party, once in a while illuminated by lightning bolts from the surrounding storm. The towers looked like they were made of metal, stone, and wooden support beams, with a large cast iron gate blocking the front entrance embedded into the surrounding wall. Evil looking gargoyles decorated the wall and peered down maliciously at the advancing brotherhood members. A neglected run down drawbridge lead down to the entrance portcullis, which looked like it had been double locked and tightly secured. Goblins and orcs patrolled the surrounding wall, pacing back and forth with weapons drawn. Once in a while the guards would stop and look over the surrounding wall to make sure no one was attempting to break in. A further observation from the keen eyes of the brotherhoods chief spy indicated that each guard was armed with a sword, a spear, or a crossbow. Whenever a guard stopped to look over the wall they would point the weapon over the wall and sweep the area so that no intruders would pass, then they would continue with their patrol. Ghostly moans sounded from inside the massive tower, evidently from the spirits of people who were long dead. Just the sight of this eerie place sent chills down the spine of every adventurer in the advancing rescue party. It became evident that this mission was not going to be as simple as the brotherhood members had hoped.
is this good, or is there more to be added?
thanks a bunch! Byron Lee
P.s. give my best to your wife and your children!
Reply by Bruce Coville
Hi, Byron -
The passage is quite evocative and exciting.
The one thing I would say is try to avoid repeating words and phrases - such as "surrounding wall" in two successive sentences. Also the word looked appears at least three times.
Overall, though, this is really cool. I think your writing is getting stronger and stronger.
Bruce
The passage is quite evocative and exciting.
The one thing I would say is try to avoid repeating words and phrases - such as "surrounding wall" in two successive sentences. Also the word looked appears at least three times.
Overall, though, this is really cool. I think your writing is getting stronger and stronger.
Bruce